Tag: kyman fanfiction

Posted on by livelyliza

A Series of Left Turns :: Chapter 20

I try to keep the previews spoiler free as we get more and more into it. Here’s a little tidbit:

“Oh damn, it’s almost four.” Cartman says, and I’m taken out of my thoughts.

“What?”

“I thought it was only like an hour we been here.” Cartman says, not looking up from his phone.

I pull out my phone as well.

“Shit, my Mom’s been spamming me.”

Cartman grins wide and starts laughing.

“That’s not fucking funny, asshole! They’re gonna find out!” I say.

“So come up with a lie, Jew.” Cartman says. “You’re a pro at it, aren’t you?”

“Oh, this coming from you of all people,” I say, turning away and scrolling through the texts. Jesus, she gave me so fucking many…

“With parents like ours, we gotta be.” I hear Cartman say.

I take a deep breath and try to think of something, then start typing.

‘Hey, sorry for being out so long. Cartman and I have been going around town asking if anyone can let Cartman house hop after Christmas. We tried to get into contact with his parents again but we couldn’t. I’m just having a talk with Cartman right now about what he wants to do.’

Cartman nudges me pointedly. “Look at that. A complete pro.”

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Posted on by livelyliza

A Series of Left Turns :: Chapter 18

Before I get to the door to exit the mall I have to forcibly stop my feet from moving.

I…

…I can’t confront Cartman like this.

I’m far too emotional right now to get any kind of desirable result.

I stare down at the bottle of haloperidol in my hand. I have to think. I have to have a clear mind when I do this.

After a moment or two I take the bottle of pills and slip them into my jacket pocket. And as my fingers brush against the gun wedged next to the bottle, an intense feeling of dread floods through my body.

I’m really in the thick of this, aren’t I? If what Liane said really is true… then I’ve been letting an unmedicated schizophrenic man walk freely around my house for the past week. With a loaded, high powered pistol on him at all times.

I squeeze the shopping bag in my hand even tighter.

…But… he hasn’t had lapses.

If Liane has been too afraid to give him medication ever since he grew taller than her or whatever, then I should have been around him long enough to see one of these lapses.

That is, unless what I consider normal Cartman behavior are his lapses.

Him suddenly wanting to fight me so much, his random bursts of energy or aggression, his general paranoia of not wanting to eat stuff from his house…

Shooting that guy in the head like it was nothing…

…Pointing a gun at me…

…But… he always had his reasons. …Or maybe they were just very convincing justifications – I mean I am talking about Cartman, the master of manipulation…

Fuck…

I don’t want this to be true…

The automatic doors of the mall entrance pull open, and the chilly outside air surrounds my body. The knot in my stomach tightens up as I search for Cartman in the walkway or the nearby benches.

What do I say to him…? How do I act…?

…

He’s not here.

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Posted on by livelyliza

A Series of Left Turns:: Chapter 16

This one is NSFW so click carefully!

A whole weekend. A whole weekend away from each other and that’s the last conversation we had to have.

I must have the shittiest timing in the world, right?

God. I can’t get the image of those deep blue, tear-filled eyes out of my head. I can’t shake the guilt of how much what I said hurt him. The look in his eyes, when I told him I had no feelings for him.

He repeated that to me, too… That I said I felt nothing…

As I re-enter my house I waste no time heading towards my room. I walk straight up the stairs not wanting to look at or talk to anybody.

God, I fucked up.

I shut the door behind me as soon as I’m in. With a sigh I toss my hat to the ground, hanging my head as I lean against the wall astride the door.

To say I don’t feel anything; I know that’s an exaggeration. But if I pulled back on that statement I think I would’ve hurt him more. And really… I played with his feelings enough, haven’t I? All that hesitation from me, that lack of response, that lack of feeling, even when he tried to hold me. When I was still ‘trying.’

Jesus Christ, I hurt him. I hurt him and I barely even thought anything of it. How could I do that? How could I just treat my best friend like he’s nothing? How could I be so wrapped up in myself that I don’t even notice that I’m hurting him?

I’m thrown out my thoughts when a hand takes my chin and tilts it up. Ice blue eyes meet mine, peering down at me.

“Guess you did it,” Cartman says.

I hold my gaze, eyebrows still tight from frustration and sigh. “…Yeah.”

Those mischievous eyes of his lower as he leans in close. “Atta boy,” He whispers against my lips.

He crushes our lips together and my heart skyrockets.

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A Series of Left Turns :: Chapter 15

I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.

Everything I just felt… everything we just did… it’s all sinking in now. As I lay my back against the powdery snow and stare up into the night sky, the realization just keeps repeating in my head.

I’m… attracted to Cartman.

I can’t possibly pretend it’s anything else now. I’ve run out of excuses. It’s staring me in the face. As much as I’d like to say it was just my teenage hormones thrusting me into sexual situations, I know it’s not just that. Even when he was doing something as little as touching my hand I felt butterflies.

Butterflies.

For him.

Where my feelings with Stan are so muted, I’ve been trying to drown out my feelings for Cartman with distractions and failing, because it’s just so loud. Too loud to ignore. It’s so clear to me now… And I’m pretty sure it’s not just physical. That’s probably the worst part… If I let myself get attached- I mean, if I’m not already…

…He could really hurt me.

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Posted on by livelyliza

A Series of Left Turns :: Chapter 14

I’m really thinking of starting to title these things, but I’m not sure. It might be a little pointless more than half way in. Either way, I hope you enjoy this new chapter!

– ‘Did you ever find out why you were feeling that way last night?’

A text from Stan during the middle of breakfast. Cartman is sitting right next to me, but, that fact alone shouldn’t make texting Stan feel uncomfortable. Then again.. It is about him.

-‘Yeah. It was guilt. I couldn’t help but feel bad that while Cartman’s trying to grapple with the idea that his parents abandoned him, I was abandoning him too by going off and experimenting.’

This is only part of what my theory is. I do think that I feel guilty about doing that kinda stuff while Cartman’s in such a shitty situation. Definitely. But on top of that, he’s in the same house as me, and has a crush on me. He doesn’t need the idea of me being with Stan on his plate with everything else.

Cartman puts up the facade of just being irritated that we might be together, but it’s not just irritation. He did bring up the possibility of me bringing Stan over to do stuff with him so clearly it’s on his mind often if he’s thinking that in depth. It’s not like I would ever do that to Cartman even if I was with Stan, but…

It just feels so awful to think about. I mean… I’m clearly not ready to jump into a relationship. I couldn’t even kiss Stan back properly. To force myself through one just for the sake of it when I know there’s a pretty high chance that Cartman has a crush on me is incredibly insensitive.

– ‘That’s ridiculous Kyle. Just because he’s miserable doesn’t mean you have to be.’

– ‘I’m just explaining what that feeling was.’

– ‘Yeah but that feeling isn’t normal at all. You really need to stop hanging around him so much. It’s really not good for you.’

– ‘I wish you’d stop saying that.’

– ‘I wish you’d stop putting Cartman first. You really need to take care of yourself.’

Ugh. This is something I will never agree with Stan on. He’s so afraid of putting other people before himself. He treats it like it’s a crime. He treats it like people who put other people before them even momentarily will always put that person before themselves. And he treats those people like they won’t be able to recognize when they start getting taken advantage of.

What, because I’m being stressed out that means I’m being taken advantage of? I chose this. And I’m only stressed out because of how invested I am in Cartman. And his situation. It’s not like he’s directly or intentionally stressing me out.

I mean, he could be a little more cooperative, but Cartman is right in the sense that he didn’t ask for any of this.

I don’t get why he doesn’t want to cooperate though. I could help him.

– ‘The amount of care that you put into Cartman isn’t something he’s ever gonna give back to you, dude. He doesn’t deserve it.’

…

– ‘I disagree.’

I don’t elaborate on this. Stan asks me why I disagree, but I just say that I disagree.

I think back on when Cartman grabbed my wrist, when we were getting out of Buck’s car. That look in his eyes… He gave me that same look when he was talking me down as he aimed the gun at me.

That reserved, frustrated, but pleading expression.

There’s something there.

And I’m not just gonna give up on it.

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Posted on by livelyliza

It’s so strange taking a fanfiction this slow. But I’m hoping I’ll pace the next few chapters correctly. Anyway, here’s the next chapter.

Chapter 5:

There aren’t many times that I regret calling Cartman out on his shit. But right now is definitely one of those times. At least technically.

The Principal’s first question to us was asking what the fight was about. I immediately told her that Cartman was being very anti-semitic. Now, as Cartman and I sit in the principal’s office, my frustrations are being redirected towards Principal Kaycee.

She’s gone off on a rant, lecturing Cartman about how rude that is. How horribly deplorable it is to discriminate against a race, and how he shouldn’t do it. She’s going off to say that for the world we live in now, there’s too many people that haven’t caught up with society.

That’s true, sure. But her words are falling on deaf ears. Cartman knows it’s bad. That’s why he did it. Telling him what he did was bad at this point is just reassurance that he effectively reached his goals.

But instead of a retort or snide remark, he stares at her with deceptively engaged eyes, acting like he’s truly listening. “I understand, Principal Kaycee. That makes total sense.” He says with a sentimental tone. I roll my eyes.

Kaycee nods, not even seeming to question the fact that Cartman agreed with her so easily. “So you must understand how hurtful your words are to Kyle.”

Cartman looks at me and nods. “And I just feel terrible about it.”

I shoot him a frown. “Sure you do.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder, using a false apologetic expression. “No, Kahl, I’m really sorry. I had no idea how tough it actually is for you. But I made a joke of it anyway. I was ignorant. I wasn’t considering your feelings, and that was wrong.”

I grimace immediately at him. Ugh, this act is so off putting. Not to say it isn’t convincing. But god do I know it’s not him. I know it so well that seeing him act like this feels insulting.

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Posted on by livelyliza

I think this chapter came out pretty well paced. Hopefully you guys think so too. Please send me a review in the links below.

Chapter 4:

November means the nights come a little earlier. It hits 7 PM and the sky’s getting really dark. I’ve already split off from the guys. I don’t like to be home early, but it’s safer that way so Mom doesn’t flip her shit. The arcade we went to is located in the same area that all the bars and alleyways are. Mom knows that, and she doesn’t want me getting hurt by some drunk assholes or something. Fair ’s a lot less protective than she used to be. Somewhere down the line we came to an agreement, that she wouldn’t try to shelter me. That’s been working out pretty great.

Toasty warmth cradles my entire body once I step into the house, a very distinct difference from the chilly wind outside. I take off my hat by reflex as soon as I walk in.

“Welcome home, Bubbe!” I hear my mom call from the hallway. I answer her greeting with a half-hearted response, and she doesn’t come out of the hall. Probably dusting the family photos or something. “There’s some stew on the counter for you.”

Guess she made dinner early. I take a serving of stew and take a seat at the empty table. The house is really quiet, but I know why. Dad’s up in his study. And the usual sounds that I’m so used to hearing; of the TV running some over the top action movie is missing. Ike usually watches those on the flat screen. But lately he’s too busy studying for his mathlete competition.

Mom and Dad have been obsessing over that fact ever since they heard about it in September. A son they raised is going to compete something as prestigious as a state-wide mathematics competition. They’re so proud. Especially now that it’s one day away. I probably won’t see them tomorrow much.

As I eat my dinner unpleasant thoughts go through my head. Next to my brother, my adopted brother, I’m inadequate. But I know that’s my insecurities talking… it’s better to just ignore that.

Mom steps in and sits at the table with me, her hands clasped together and rested relaxed on the table. My eyes meet hers, and I start feeling this uncomfortable air. Oh god.

“So, how are things with Jennifer?” She asks. For a second I thought I’d be able to go a day – just one – without being pestered about that shit. I’m a fucking idiot.

“Haven’t texted her.” I say honestly, because in all likeliness, Mom probably asked Jennifer that same question and got the real answer. “I’ve been working on my speech.” I say, hoping to soften the blow.

“Now Kyle,” Mom starts with this scolding tone. I want to roll my eyes, but I keep a blank expression. “I know you boys are scared of relationships. But Jennifer is a very nice girl. You’re just overthinking again. Getting with a girl like Jennifer is an accomplishment, not a task.”

You sure are treating it like a task.

“And she’s local! Just an hour’s drive away.”

That’s not the problem.

“And besides, she likes you very much!”

“I know, Mom.” I say through a sigh. A brief silence ensues. I know she’s looking at me so I keep my eyes on my bowl, swirling the stew with my spoon before I decide to take another bite.

“You have to get out of your shell, Kyle. Love is a very important part of life.” She says to me. She apparently thinks I’m shy or insecure about relationships. Well… I wouldn’t know myself. But that’s not the issue here. I’m not interested in these girls she’s giving me. “Listen to me, Kyle. I want you to at least try with Jennifer.” She says, still a little firmly, but there’s some softness to her voice.

“Okay.” I answer. I don’t really like this conversation at all, and I don’t want a fight. I push my half eaten bowl off to the side.

“Good! Make sure to text her, Bubbe.” She says, standing up and taking the bowl. I start up the stairs to my room, not saying a word.

I haven’t really tried to fight her on this. Mom’s one of those people that absolutely has to win. She’d argue in circles until I was too exhausted to argue anymore. And I’d just end up in the same place I am now. She’d talk about how disappointed she is. That one son is in a mathlete competition, making a name for himself at the age of 12, and the other son can’t even get a girlfriend…

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