Either y’all make cartman some smol precious bean who was absused as a kid and is a hopeless romantic with a crush on kyle and just needs a hug oR some 6ft talk slightly chubby buff dude with a sadist kink and a 12 inch penis like damn fandom calm down
SHEILA: I understand my son is here. I’d like to speak to him.
ERIC: Oh, sure Mrs. Broflovski! Guess you heard the news, huh? That’s cool, we can all just take a seat on the couch and talk this out–
SHEILA: I would like to talk to my son, Eric. Alone. ERIC: … ERIC: Uh… sssure…
[Door shuts closed]
KYLE: …
SHEILA: …
SHEILA: Kyle, I am disappointed in you.
SHEILA: But I’m not disappointed in you for being homosexual. KYLE: … SHEILA: I always had a feeling that you were, but I didn’t want to say anything because Gerald would try to interfere. I knew if you ended up liking boys there was nothing we could do about it. And that’s fine.
SHEILA: Both Gerald and I want you to grow up to be a man that we can be proud of. That’s one thing we agree on. But Gerald wants you to be a better man than him. And with an ego like his it’s unreachable.
That man will never be satisfied with a gay son. That’s just how it is.
SHEILA: I just want you to be safe. And with what just happened to your leg I want you to know that if Icould ever be bothered by you being gay, the experience of almost losing you completely squashed that stupid kind of standard.
KYLE: …Oh…
KYLE: …So… it doesn’t really sound like you’re disappointed in me at all…
SHEILA: Oh no, young man. After all these years of me telling you that you could tell me anything you still chose to keep this very important detail about your life from me.
SHEILA: I have planned for the day that you would come out to me and you go off and get a boyfriend and don’t even tell me about it?
KYLE: –Uh–
SHEILA: And with Eric Cartman, no less! Young man you better have some astronomical judgement with that boy. He is not going to come to our family gatherings spouting a bunch of antisemitic jokes. Oh no. Not in front of my sister and her husband. Mark my words.
SHEILA: And I bet you didn’t even think to get tested did you? Do you know how easy it is to catch an STI?
KYLE: What–? Ma, that’s so unnecessary–
SHEILA: Don’t give me that! If you’re going to be in a relationship there’s no excuse for not getting tested! That should’ve been the first thing you did and you would have known that if you had told me about your boyfriend!
yummykyman 