I’m a little put off by the fact that people even question why I dislike Shelly so much. Like not that much, because I get it, yeah, she said something cool like once and turned a wimp into a little less of a wimp, but that isn’t exactly her saving grace, guys. Shelly Marsh on the whole is a terrible, awful human being, bred by an awfully negligent family. More negligent than you would expect.

Shelly doesn’t get much screen time at all, but when she does you bet your ass she’s screaming at someone to get her way. And if she’s not doing that, she’s beating the shit out of Stan.

Stan specifically by the way. I mean it’s not like Stan’s the only one she beats up. Clearly she’s kicked the crap out of Cartman too. But the most she did to Cartman was punch him and give him a wedgie. The cruel and unusual stuff is saved specifically for Stan. That is, if you haven’t seen Season 1, running a lawn mower over his face, smashing a tv over his head, throwing him down the stairs and repeatedly setting him on fire.

And it’s weird – in a way it feels like the audience is just saying to Stan what Mr. Garrison said to Stan. 

Shelly beating up Stan isn’t treated seriously by anyone. Not his friends, not his family and not the audience. It’s just accepted as something that’s fine. That Stan just needs to “get over.” Because Stan is “letting” Shelly do it.

But that isn’t the case at all with Shelly. Shelly beat the shit out of Stan’s mutated clone, who threw fucking cars around.

So it’s not as if she’s physically weaker than Stan, which is often the excuse when it comes to females hitting males. And even if she was physically weaker than Stan, she was still using tools on him. Still no matter the case people have that “she’s a girl” stigma. They think nothing of it and assume that Stan should be able to handle it because he’s a guy and she’s a girl.

Sigh. But that’s our biological nature. I have no choice but to digress. Let’s move on and analyze.

We learn in the very first episode that Shelly’s anger comes from her insecurity. Her very first line is, “Are you looking at my headgear?” And then afterward she unleashes her unrelenting rage. 

This rage seems to be primarily caused by insecurity, reiterated in Cat Orgy, where she brags to her friend about pulling Cartman’s underwear over his head and other experiences of humiliating other boys.

( It seems like this is directed towards any boys that are younger than her. ) She bullies these boys as a way to get approval from her friends. Which actually makes sense, since, Shelly being 12 puts her at least two grades above Stan. Which means she’s a 5th grader. Or a 6th grader these days.

According to this show (and also personal experience,) this grade is dominated by the bullies. While we see that Stan and his gang also tend to bully, 6th grade is the time that both bullying and angsting really starts to shine. I actually wouldn’t be surprised if Shelly was bullied by some of the 6th graders that Stan and the gang always come across. Either that or maybe she has a crush on one of the kids and is trying to impress him. Probably that middle kid with the ego problem.

Either way it’s probably a combination of insecurity and a desire to fit in. Shelly’s desire for cruelty definitely doesn’t stem directly from her family life. We’ll talk about that in a bit. It mostly stems from the fact that she is surrounded by bullies and feels as if she has to take their example.

That and, she’s angsting hardcore. We already talked about the fact that her anger is a direct reaction to insecurity, but she’s also desperate. In the third season she starts dating a 22 year old named Skylar, not because she actually likes him, but because he’s willing to date her.

She consistently fights him off because she knows that she’s not supposed to be doing anything with him (at least the Marshes raised her well there). She doesn’t exactly think he’s smart or talented, even knowing she can write better music than him, but she stays because he validates her. When he leaves her she cries not because she likes him, but she thought he liked her.

As she says in the next quote, “No one’s ever liked me before.” Shelly knows that she’s ugly. Nobody in her grade is willing to date her. This clearly leads to her being bullied, which makes Shelly incredibly insecure. Her perpetual anger is directly from her insecurity, and is a defense mechanism.

Her thought process is probably, “I won’t let these other kids laugh at me the way the 6th graders do.” That, and it’s insecure assertion that she is better, so that she can get some footing in the 6th grade social circle. She has to be a bully like all the other kids, even if it means just bullying little kids.

(She’s probably not that respected for that in her grade.)

On a side note though, the whole interaction with Cartman is interesting. She feels a closeness to Cartman after letting her guard down slightly, and they even manage to work together. However I think this was because of Cartman and had little to do with Shelly. it was Cartman who showed vulnerability first, and was essentially a quid pro quo for the two of them. 

But anyway, their friendship mostly doesn’t matter. They hardly ever speak again on a personal level. The closest they get is,

Which.. is actually a little clever by Cartman. You might think that this is some kind of suck up tactic from Cartman, but taking their history into account, it can also come off as a veiled threat.

Essentially Cartman could be saying, “I know you’re just pissy because you’re insecure about your looks.” Because Shelly told him this directly. This is basically Cartman’s dirt on Shelly, because if she treated him too badly then he could potentially tell his friends about this insecurity, or prod at the subject until he gets a reaction that Shelly wouldn’t like. But clearly Shelly sees through this immediately, telling Cartman off and going on with her bullying antics. Her friendship with Cartman seemed to be a one time use.

The only meaningful relationship she had was with Larry Feegan, which I wish we had a chance to see more of, but he fuckin died off screen. But basically Larry was to Shelly what Heidi is to Cartman. She may have had a gateway to change, even moreso since she’s older, but the only way Shelly was going to really change was if Larry was really exceptional.

And he definitely wasn’t.

Shelly’s effort is appreciated, though it doesn’t say much about her since Larry’s way in was endless praises. The relationship could’ve easily turned sour with Larry as soft and malleable as he is. We can only take guesses on how Shelly would’ve handled wearing the pants in a relationship, being only thirteen and all.

Gonna give credit where credit is obviously do though, Shelly has little sprinkles of good morals in there, though they’re grossly overshadowed by her violence and spoiled attitude. 

She knows not to fool around at a young age as we learned above. In the Trent Boyett episode she bargained with the boys to help them out if they did the right thing too. It’s fair to say that Sharon did teach Shelly basic morals.

But while we’re on the subject of Shelly’s parents, can we just stop for a sec and talk about Shelly’s parents?

In the 5th episode where everyone was so pissed off about what Stan’s clone did, his parents barge in ready to have an intervention with Stan. Shelly steps in, tells them that everything that happened in the town was her fault. The parents say sorry for mistaking Stan for the culprit and give him a hug.

…And then they just fuckin leave

Stan was about to be punished for rampaging through the town. His teacher and uncle were on his ass about that shit, and now that Shelly takes the blame, nothing happens. She doesn’t even get reprimanded. They literally just treat it like it never happened. 

Not only that, in a much later episode, Over Logging, Shelly flips the fuck out and just starts beating the shit out of Stan and Randy just picks her up and tells her to stop.

And that’s pretty much the end of their interaction. The punishment for Shelly beating Stan is… Shelly gets stopped. 

It shows in only little snippits but there’s several unsettling moments where we can tell that Stan is mistreated by everyone in his family, essentially being seen as a punching bag – not only for Shelly – for everyone. 

exhibit a:

exhibit b:

exhibit c:

And just to toss in there, Exhibit D:

love this shining reference though

But what I’m trying to say is, seeing how Randy and Sharon treat him when they’re upset, it’s no wonder Shelly beats the crap out of him. The Marshes prioritize Shelly’s needs over Stans. Shelly beats him up because she knows she won’t actually get punished for it. She, like the rest of the family, sees him as more of a hindrance than a family member. 

Why that is, I don’t know. Maybe Randy ran off and made a Jon Snow. Maybe Stan is Randy’s illegitimate son that he brought home and kinda sorta treated him as a son. idk

But in conclusion, Shelly’s anger mostly stems from massive insecurity about herself and the inclination to bully like the rest of her 6th grade peers. Literally all the 6th graders we’ve ever seen have been bullies, so this isn’t exactly a stretch.

And her inhumane torture of Stan is justified to her due to the fact that his entire family pretty much dehumanizes him.

“But wait!” You protest, “Your whole analysis is a testament to why Shelly could be sympathized with! She’s a victim of circumstance!” 

Well, everyone’s a victim of circumstance. Casey Anthony’s a victim of circumstance. It doesn’t mean their actions are justifiable. And at the end of the day, Shelly is really just a violent, spoiled brat who terrifies others to get her way.

“Wait just a second, Sibyl,” You protest again, eyebrow raised and hand placed thoughtfully on your chin. “Cartman is also a violent spoiled brat. But you still like him. What’s the deal?”  

That’s a fair point, Hypothetical Harry. But there are three key differences between Shelly and Cartman. 

Even though Cartman has done some pretty heinous shit, he, unlike Shelly, has to be pushed. Cartman’s default is a snarky kid that shoots zingers at the teacher and bullshits to his friends. Shelly’s default is literally beating the shit out of Stan.

Another key difference between Cartman and Shelly is that Cartman is an optimist. He doesn’t wallow in shit, he’s a doer. Shelly kicks and screams about whatever doesn’t go her way and rarely ever takes any positive action. By definition she’s a pessimist. Guess pessimists run in the family.

The third key difference is that while Cartman surrounds himself with friends, Shelly is incredibly isolative. I don’t mean like introverted, I mean she’s antisocial. Any chance for interaction is met with hostility when it comes to Shelly, no matter who we see her interacting with.

And she also doesn’t have a sense of humor.

An isolative, pessimistic and abusive character with no sense of humor doesn’t make for a very enjoyable one, but Shelly’s analysis was very enjoyable to write. Hope you guys enjoyed it too~